So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Send help, water and tortillas.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
