You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Randomize
