Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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