yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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