You just made me feel so damn special
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
