yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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