just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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