Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
