Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
