i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
