youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
