tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
