is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Dignity is for republicans.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
