How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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