Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
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