I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
It's shark week go big or go home
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
