They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
