I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize