if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
