wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
i think my mom watched the whole time
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize
