Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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