you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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