What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
