I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
