nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
