She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize