i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
