I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
