I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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