We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Randomize
