I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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