oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
