why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Randomize
