lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
