did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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