There was a lot of him and a little penis
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
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