I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Randomize
