I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
