i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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