I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
