remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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