she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
how drunk are you?
Several
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize