And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
