I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
