This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
