Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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