whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
