this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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