god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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