i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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