Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
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