Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Randomize
