I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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