Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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