pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize