if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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