I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I just blew my weed a kiss
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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