youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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