The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize