Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
