the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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