just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
