Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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