I faked an abortion last night.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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