She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Randomize