She announced her abortion via fbk
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
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