I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
