dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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