I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
