if i can run in heels then i can drive
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
