Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
