Where is the hickey?
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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