who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
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