UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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