Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
