So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Houston, we have a blender
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
