Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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