My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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