i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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