So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
