i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
