I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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