he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
