i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
