yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
