Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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