yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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