If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
