What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
He better not be in your backpack
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Randomize
