You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
where am i from again
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
