just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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