so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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