That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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