just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize