I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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